The Neverending CRE/Business Humor Thread

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Permalink Reply by Jim Searing on September 26, 2008 at 8:15am

CEO - chief embezzlement officer.

CFO - corporate fraud officer.

BULL MARKET - A random market movement causing an investor to mistake themselves for a financial genius.

BEAR MARKET - A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.

VALUE INVESTING - The art of buying low and selling lower.

P/E RATIO - The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.

BROKER - What my broker has made me.

STANDARD & POOR - Your life in a nutshell.

STOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.

MARKET CORRECTION - The day after you buy stocks.

CASH FLOW - The movement your money makes as it disappears down the drain.

INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR - Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse.

MOMENTUM INVESTING - The fine art of buying high and selling low.

VALUE INVESTING - The art of buying low and selling lower.

FINANCIAL PLANNER - Someone who actually remembers their wallet when they run to the 7-11 for bananas and cigarettes.

FONIE and FRAUDIE: What used to be called Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac

YAHOO - What you yell after selling all you owned to some poor sucker for $240 per share.

WINDOWS - What you jump out of when you're the sucker that bought Yahoo for $240 per share.

PROFIT - Religious person who talks to God.

BILL GATES - Where God goes for a loan.

ALAN GREENSPAN - God ( past tense ).

Permalink Reply by Elaine M Lyles on November 10, 2009 at 9:37pm

I love this!!! Thanks for such a creative/truth like interpretation.

Permalink Reply by Jim Searing on November 10, 2009 at 11:04pm

You're welcome Elaine. I crack up also whenever I wander around this part of the site...Jim

Permalink Reply by Shekhar Shah on September 28, 2008 at 10:14pm

It's great to read such a humorous little article when everything else is all doom and gloom. Thank you.
Also, got quite a laugh! Good work

Permalink Reply by CREOPoint Managing Editor on October 3, 2008 at 12:04pm

US Treasury Department has issued a new one dollar bill.........

Permalink Reply by Jim Searing on October 6, 2008 at 10:16am

Financial Four Betting Pool

Permalink Reply by Jean-Claude Goldenstein on October 12, 2008 at 10:22am

“Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it, misdiagnosing it, and then misapplying the wrong remedies." Groucho Marx

Permalink Reply by CREOPoint Managing Editor on October 13, 2008 at 10:08am

If you had purchased $1,000 of Lehman Bros. stock one year ago, you
would have $49 left.
Reflections on the financial crisis:

With Wachovia, you would have $16.50 left.
With AIG, you would have less than $5 left.
But if you had purchased $1,000 worth of beer one year ago, drank all of
the beer, then turned in the cans for the aluminum recycling REFUND, you
would have had $214.

Based on the above, the best current investment advice is to drink
heavily and recycle.
It's called the 401-Keg plan.

Permalink Reply by Jennifer Azzopardi on October 13, 2008 at 11:39am

Hi Jim,

Thanks for this, it really made me laugh!

Jennifer

Permalink Reply by Jean-Claude Goldenstein on October 14, 2008 at 5:05pm

Someone is wrong on the internet...

Attachments:

• internet-duty.png, 14 KB

Permalink Reply by CREOPoint Managing Editor on October 19, 2008 at 10:19pm

From Steve Felix Blog

"Sarah Cooper, Director of Real Estate Equities for Merrill Lynch in London sends out an info chocked email to her clients. She also includes some fun stuff from time to time. This week she noted “With so many of us traveling this week to EPRA, we looked at some ''Lost in Translation'', interesting translations of signs found in hotels.”

• Berlin Cloakroom - Please hang yourself here

• Lobby of a Moscow hotel opposite a Russian Orthodox Monastry - You are welcome to visit the cemetery where famous Russian & Soviet composers, artists & writers are buried daily except Thursdays.

• Eithiopia - To call room service, please to open dorr and call Room Service. Please call quiet, people may sleep.

• Tokyo - Is forbitten to steal hotle towels please. If you are not person to do such thing is pleasen ot to read notis.

• Seoul - Measles not included in room charge

• Bankkok - Please maintain termperature at 1 degree from 25, any higher or lower will only make the room hotter or colder.

• Qatar - Please do not use the lift when its not working

• France - Please leave your values at the front desk

• Romania - The lift is being fixed for the next day. During that time we regret that you will be unbearable.

• India - The Old Ladakh Guest House (hospitalising since 1974)

• Italy - This hotel is renowned for its peace & solitude. In fact, crowds from all over the world flock here to enjoy its solitude.

• Tel Aviv - If you wish breakfast, lift the telephone and out waitress will arrive. This will be enough to bring up your food.

• Zurich - Because of the impropriety of entertaining guests of the opposite s#x in the bedroom, it is suggested that the lobby be used for this purpose.

• Finland - If you cannot reach a fire exit, close the door and expose yourself at the window.

• Florence - Fire! It is what we can be doing, we hope. No fear. Not ourselves. Say quickly to all people coming up down, everywhere, a prayer always is a clerk. He is assured of safety by expert men who are in the bar for telephone for the fighters of the fire come out.

• Madrid - our wine list leaves you nothing to hope for.

• Ankara - You are invite to visit our restaurant where you can eat Middle East Foods in a European ambulance.

• Spain. There's a beach which has underground springs running underneath it. It is a little unsturdy as a result. The sign says: Beware - beach of irregular bottoms

• Poland - As for the trip served you at the Hotel Monopol, you will be singing its praises to your grandchildren on your deathbed.

• Athens - Visitors are expected to complain at the office between the hours of 9 and 11am daily.

• Mexico - The manager has personally passed all the water served here.

• London - All fire extinguishers must be examined at least five days before any fire.

This is the kind of stuff that you just can’t make up" ☺

Steve Felix Blog

Copyright Steve Felix 2008 Used with Permission

Permalink Reply by CREOPoint Managing Editor on October 20, 2008 at 5:04pm

US Banks' Balance Sheets:

On the left side there is nothing right,
on the right side there is nothing left

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